


some call it reckless, some call it breathing

by Yotsubadancesintherain5



Series: Fairytale/Supernatural [29]
Category: Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magika | Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Ancient Greek Religion & Lore Fusion, Angst and Humor, Budding Love, Canon-Typical Violence, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, References to Ancient Greek Religion & Lore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:09:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26291659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yotsubadancesintherain5/pseuds/Yotsubadancesintherain5
Summary: Sayaka was born with a great destiny: a place written in the stars. But she wants to earn that place and refuses to give it up at all; but perhaps a great reason to give it up will be apparent to her.
Relationships: Akemi Homura/Kaname Madoka, Miki Sayaka/Sakura Kyouko
Series: Fairytale/Supernatural [29]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/768273
Comments: 32
Kudos: 30





	1. Prologue: I Keep on Dreaming For Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I want to see it, that future.

Once upon a time an ordinary child named Sayaka was born. And then it was evident that she was not at all ordinary, because it was declared that she had a place in the stars.

The symbol of her, a gallant sword, would be written up there and seen by every denizen on the Earth. Her name would forever be remembered as long as those stars were up in the sky.

However, that was all that was known of her at her birth.

For nobody could know that this child would one day travel to the underworld and meet the goddess of death. For nobody could know that there was always a story in-between life and death and all of their entanglements.

But – for it would not be until much later that that meeting would happen – this extraordinary child grew up in an ordinary fashion until she realized she wanted to _earn_ that place in the stars. Any other way chafed at her pride. She would help anyone in need.

And so when she was grown she set off on a journey to train and do good deeds with her life.

Sayaka’s story would set into motion when she found herself a teacher.


	2. I'm Still Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the bluff of false courage in my voice begins to falter.

The frost was on leaves when Sayaka began her journey. The cold air brushed against her hot face.

Her mind was afflicted with boredom. She imagined the birds above looking down upon her as they trailed across the sky, wondering where she was going just as she wondered where they were going to roost. She made up a story about a wood nymph that danced where she went. She fancied that a particular cloud in the sky resembled a pegasus.

Sayaka wondered about this teacher, a name hardly spoken at all. It seemed that this teacher had been a starting note for training, a speck of someone’s life quickly forgotten.

Sayaka chided her internal rudeness. She continued on her way.

In time she found the place she was looking for. There was a spacious home in the middle of the plains, and a training ground nearby. The training ground nearby was in disarray and Sayaka walked through the tall grass.

She found the teacher, not looking much older than herself, lying on her back, looking up at the grey winter sky.

“Mami?” Sayaka asked.

Mami sat up. Her curls were impeccable. There were faint dark circles under her eyes. Her smile didn’t quite reach her eyes.

“Yes? How can I help?”

Sayaka settled down on the grass beside Mami. Her chest seemed congested by sudden nervousness.

“Will you train me?”

Mami’s face fell for just a moment before she spoke. “It has been a long time. I don’t know if I will be any help to you.”

She was silent after that. Sayaka willed herself to speak.

“Why? Is it because you are forgotten by your students?”

The insensitive statement hung in the silent air. Sayaka did not have the foresight to say a fake, sugary vow to never forget this teacher because it was not in her nature.

“No, that I could bear with,” Mami said finally. “I failed a student.”

Sayaka did not know how to respond. She deliberated and decided to speak truthfully.

“I’m here because I want to earn my place in the stars. I never want to give them up.”

Mami’s interest seemed to be piqued. She looked at Sayaka.

“And to earn it I have to help people in need,” Sayaka said. “Even if it’s the smallest request.”

Her voice had risen in volume, a passion that lined her words.

There was a look of nostalgia in Mami’s eyes. She stood up and Sayaka could see the look of an experienced teacher lay on her shoulders.

“Show me what you can do.”

-

As expected of someone who was new to heroics Sayaka was clumsy and sloppy. Her stance was stiff, she swung her new sword wildly, and more often than not would be bested by Mami in sparring.

At the very least her vow to help people, no matter how small the request, helped out in the neighboring town. Her arms and legs would wobble and ache from helping a farmer with the harvest or carrying a heavy item for an old couple or indulging in the children’s wishes to be carried in every way.

If bandits ever descended upon the town Mami and Sayaka were there to fend them off. It was between this and the training that Sayaka became stronger.

In time she was agile, aided by quick-thinking and accessing every possible scenario. She used the sword like it was another limb to her body.

And when she finally bested Mami in a practice battle it was a victory that, despite her tired limbs, made her celebrate.

Mami smiled at her student.

-

It was a few days later that Sayaka was sent to a city that would take a few hours to travel to for fruit that Mami needed for a celebratory dinner.

It seemed that the stories of heroes and heroines danced about in Sayaka’s mind as she walked. In some of the stories they did a very great boon for humanity, and perhaps finding such an opportunity would make her earn those stars. It was because of these thoughts that she became hasty in her next moments.

Sayaka saw a woman her age on the road and next to her was the goddess of death.

Sayaka flinched, saw the goddess of death loom over this woman and Sayaka charged, a battle cry tearing from her throat.

The pair turned to look and Sayaka could not register the confusion and disbelief on the woman’s face because Sayaka was so focused on defeating the goddess of death.

She did, however, hear the woman exclaim the goddess of death’s name, “Homura!”

The cry was enough to make Sayaka stumble. The sword slipped from her hands and fell on the dirt of the road.

The goddess of death was looking down on Sayaka. Sayaka expected a swift end and could barely squeak out a warning for the other woman to run.

She did not expect the goddess of death to groan loudly and pinch the bridge of her nose. She looked severely overlooked in this moment.

“I do not have _time_ for this – “

“Release,” Sayaka said and her voice squeaked again. “Release this woman from your clutches!”

“Hey, I have a job to do,” the woman complained. “Don’t make my boss angry! And how are you going to fight without a sword?”

At that Sayaka grabbed her sword from the dirt and pointed it at the goddess of death.

She didn’t look amused and it seemed that for a moment the entire world was shrouded in darkness. Despite herself Sayaka trembled.

“If you have the temerity to do this again at the very least give me the courtesy of being in my own realm,” said the goddess of death. “It is very unlike a heroic person to fight someone when they are disadvantaged.”

Sayaka did not point out that it seemed no matter what _she_ was at a disadvantage. 

“Kyoko, come along,” said the goddess of death. She opened up the Earth and stepped down into her realm. Kyoko began to follow her but not before smirking at Sayaka.

“Well, that didn’t work out for you. Maybe next time!”

And so she was swallowed up by the Earth and Sayaka was left with a million questions. The most important was figuring out what Kyoko was doing with the goddess of death.


	3. A Question to the World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What do you see? I'm looking for the face that will say, "See you again."

Kyoko thought her day was going to be normal – at least close as the definition of normal could be for a woman that performed funeral rites for those that needed it, and transported nearly deceased souls to the underworld.

A good routine had followed her. Homura’s wife, Madoka, was visiting in the underworld for the regulated six months and took spring and warmth with her to the land of the dead. The underworld seemed less grim when Madoka was there and Kyoko seemed to shiver less. She seemed to be doing that a lot more, regardless of where she was.

Homura once called Madoka the benevolent sun of the underworld.

On this particularly brisk day Homura had asked to go over Kyoko’s quota in the living world. Kyoko thought it was to so that Homura could show off how the cold didn’t affect her.

But a heroine – a heroine that needed to know better than to challenge a goddess was more like it – attempted to cut off Homura’s head. At the very least that was the most plausible reason Kyoko could guess.

In the moment Kyoko figured out that this heroine thought Kyoko was captured by Homura.

“Hey, I have a job to do. Don’t make my boss angry! And how are you going to fight without a sword?”

Homura always had control of the situation. Kyoko did feel sorry for that heroine when it seemed the world was shrouded in darkness, pure fear contorting her face. A cross Homura was not a wise target _to_ cross. She mildly told Kyoko to follow her when all was said and done.

Kyoko followed and thought that the dumbfounded look on that heroine’s face was pretty endearing.

“Well, that didn’t work out for you. Maybe next time!” she impishly called out.

She went down the stairs two at a time, and felt the familiar darkness of the underworld envelop her as the living world was sealed away. Kyoko saw Homura rubbing her temples aggressively.

Kyoko wondered and so she asked, “Did you know that would happen?”

“The fates said I would meet someone in the living world that would turn the tides of our path. I wanted to get it over with,” Homura said. “Remind me to give the fates some cheese later.”

Kyoko hummed. She reflected that after a time the smell of the underworld no longer burned in her nostrils. The thin, straight-lined scar on her left hand throbbed.

Homura was still talking as they walked.

“I know that humans are afraid of me but do they have to be so stupid?” Homura ranted. “You’d think she _wanted_ to step into an early grave.”

“Sometimes people are perfectly fine and don’t need rescuing, thank you very much,” Kyoko added.

Homura was silent for a moment.

“Ah, not all humans are stupid,” Homura said. “Some are unbearably _stubborn_ and when I first meet them they make my job harder.”

If Kyoko listened closely she could hear a dollop of fondness in Homura’s voice.

They made their way into the throne room. Homura always let Kyoko sit at the foot of her throne when they talked about Kyoko’s quotas. It made talking with Homura about her quota much easier than craning her neck to look upon Homura. It certainly helped now, when the back of Kyoko’s head felt a searing pain.

It was because of this that she was glad it was a standard evaluation. Kyoko was lost in wondering about that heroine, wondering if it was typical to think this much about a seemingly one time meeting and why that heroine’s words brought a pang of nostalgia to Kyoko’s heart.

“And your work was good this time but last season you were much quicker so you – Kyoko, are you listening?”

“Hmm? Oh, yeah, I am,” Kyoko said. She sat up straight and tried to look nonplussed.

“I doubt it,” Homura said, annoyance in her voice. “Anyway – the fates also said something about you. So go follow that stupid heroine around.”

“Why? Her soul is going to come here so soon?”

“Absolutely not. Madoka thought you could meet a new friend.” Homura looked contemplative. “Although you shadowing her means you could gather the souls of those she couldn’t protect. It’s quicker for the both of us.”

Even though Kyoko had been doing this job for a while she grimaced at the grimness of that suggestion of multi-tasking.

“So, what did the fates say about me?” Kyoko asked.

“Some murky, jumbled up prediction that you’d make someone lose their place in the stars.”

“Weird.”

“Indeed. Well, go on. You have a new part to your job. I will close the way when you are back in the living world.”

Kyoko got up and began to leave. She bumped into Madoka when she exited the throne room. Madoka had marigolds woven into her hair and she had produce in her arms, all of which were Homura’s favorites.

“Hello, Kyoko,” she said, her voice a comfort to the underworld. “Where are you going?”

“Fulfilling an addendum to a job,” said Kyoko.

Madoka adjusted the weight of the fruits and vegetables in her arms. “I may not be the fates but I do want to see a future for you where you do not always have to work.”

“It is what it is,” Kyoko said. “See you around.”

She waved genially and continued on her way. She looked back once to see Homura and Madoka give each other a kiss, an embrace, and tender words spoken between them.

It was a typical day again.

-

Whenever Kyoko exited the underworld her eyes ached against the light of the sun. She saw spots of green and rubbed her eyes as she walked.

It was somewhat in irritation. She had no idea where that heroine went off. An obvious answer was that she was doing something heroic but that was incredibly vague.

With no other options Kyoko set off for the nearest town and found a large city; to her immense relief she found the heroine sitting alone by the entrance of the city and apparently sulking.

“Hey, sunshine,” Kyoko said breezily.

The heroine, then, did look like the on-the-spot nickname and Kyoko’s heart was not pounding fast in the least at that expression.

“Good, you escaped!”

“What, you still think it’s like that? Don’t underestimate me, I’m pretty good with a sword,” Kyoko said. “And I did have a job – granted, that’s about half of my work.”

There was that sour, sulky look on the heroine’s face again.

“Well, anyway, I’m Kyoko. I’m gonna be honest, my boss wanted me to get to know you. She said our paths were crossed so I guess now we’re coworkers.”

“Sayaka.” She briskly got up. “And I don’t work with those that bring souls down for an eternity of torment.”

“It’s not all like that,” Kyoko protested.

Sayaka begun to walk and Kyoko had no choice but to follow.

“There’s a reason for Tartarus,” Kyoko said, trying to run ahead so that Sayaka couldn’t ignore her words. “One of the kings in there served a meal to the gods and it was actually – “

“I don’t need to know the morbid details.”

They were nearby the black smith’s when Sayaka stopped walking. Kyoko noticed the swords for sale before she spoke.

“Without the underworld where would the souls go? We can’t have them wandering around the living world, with no rest.”

“Mount Olympus,” but it was more of a question than a statement.

“Madoka says it’s nice but it’s so busy, work and personal-related,” Kyoko said, in the most tactful way to describe the domain. “There would be no rest.”

Sayaka looked exasperated. “All right, so there is a use for the underworld and it’s not all torment. But why can’t we all live to old age and then die peacefully? It seems unfair.”

“Homura isn’t biased, and if you’re clinging enough to the living world she might let you go back. If your final resting place isn’t decided someone might be able to go down to the underworld and beg for your life, with a price.”

Kyoko thought of the sea, how it could be so unmerciful, and she closed her fists.

“But you’re right. Sometimes it is unfair.”

An expression crossed Sayaka’s face, like a newfound soft sympathy. Before any emotional wall could be broken down there were screams behind them.

Kyoko whirled around to see a band of bandits ransacking the city.

“Here!” Sayaka called, and without any further prompting Kyoko took the sword. It had been a while since she had fought but she could feel that the training had not faded from her mind.

They jumped into the fray and through the chaos and blood that was spilled and the adrenaline they drove off the bandits. The wary townspeople, coming out from their places of hiding, began to cheer.

Kyoko thought that Homura would be pleased to not have any added work, and a rapidly familiar feeling settled into her chest when she saw the earnest look on Sayaka’s face as the two of them were celebrated by the townspeople.

They were treated to a feast and their wounds were wrapped up. When the celebrations were over Sayaka said she would go back to her teacher’s home and Kyoko opted to go with her, for it was a long way back.

Sayaka spoke animatedly of the battle, of protecting the people and how she had a place in the stars and wanted to earn them, but Kyoko was sure to tease her about not rushing into the battle alone, as she had with her failed attempt to fight Homura.

“I’m still learning,” Sayaka said as her sheepish defense.

Kyoko only laughed in response, but it trailed off when she realized she recognized the area even under the waning daylight.

“Well – you’re here,” Kyoko said, realizing too late that that sort of phrase gave her away, “I’ll see you around.”

She ran away faster than Sayaka could say anything, and when Kyoko was far away and finally stopped she chided herself for letting something so old still hurt her.

-

Sayaka had been left off-guard when Kyoko suddenly fled. She was planning on introducing Kyoko to Mami. But looking on other options wouldn’t change the immediate past. She walked inside her home and called Mami’s name.

“Welcome back,” Mami said, from the sitting area. “How did it go?”

Sayaka had too much to tell but managed to make the story cohesive. She was so excited that she only remembered to say Kyoko’s name near the end of her story.

“And I was going to introduce Kyoko to you but she ran off,” Sayaka finished.

She caught sight of Mami’s shocked face. Mami managed to say a few strained words.

“What did you say her name was?”

“Kyoko. What’s wrong?”

“I thought she was _dead_. After her – she never came back,” Mami said, her words jumbled by intense emotions. “I want to see – I want to see if it’s her. If you see her again, tell her that. If she wants to see me, let her.”

Sayaka nodded at the desperation and promised, “I’ll go looking for her tomorrow, no matter how far.”

-

Kyoko’s stormy heart was not calmed when she was back in the underworld’s throne room a few days later. She told Homura what she had learned. Madoka was listening in as well, and Kyoko could see her face light up with ideas.

“But I think it might be a problem, since the fates told Homura I’d make someone lose their stars,” Kyoko said.

“There are so many humans with their names in the stars, and you’ve already helped her once,” Madoka reassured and Kyoko didn’t have time to reflect if the former was true because Madoka spoke quickly. “If she wants to earn these stars she’d have to do something _grand_. Maybe she could call in spring!”

“You already do that, Madoka,” Homura said.

Kyoko thought that despite Madoka’s face turning a shade of pink she valiantly attempted to salvage something out of the idea.

“By call in spring I mean for one person, my love,” Madoka said. “Something like, this Sayaka saves a single person from wandering this place, long after they’re dead.”

“Absolutely not,” Homura said, though it was said to be pragmatic instead of cruel – Kyoko bitterly thought that sometimes the two were merged together and indistinguishable.

Homura’s face was considerably softer with Madoka than it would have been if she was talking to a human.

“Only the undecided or those that cling to life. Last time I let a soul go back from the dead it caused more heartache than necessary.”

“Ah, I remember,” Madoka said. She sighed ruefully. “That was beautiful lyre music. I really wish he could have been able to save her…”

Kyoko’s fingers grazed over the scar on her hand. She could understand that level of desperation.

“Well, back to work,” Homura said. She pressed a kiss to Madoka’s cheek before she left.

Madoka had her hand under her chin as she thought. Her mouth curled into a smile as she thought of something.

“What if she did a grand labor?” Madoka asked. “Spring will be beckoned in today, and I can ask if there are any great evils ravaging the land.”

“I do have to follow her around,” Kyoko said.

“You can help. I believe that she will have to be the one to vanquish the evil,” Madoka said. “I will find you when I have heard of something.”

Kyoko nodded and waited until Madoka came back from saying good-bye to Homura. She followed Madoka out of the underworld.

-

Sayaka did not see Kyoko again until a few days later, when Sayaka was in the nearby village. Sayaka had no chance to speak because Kyoko sprung the idea of Sayaka getting a great boon from the goddess of spring, Madoka.

“Thank you,” Sayaka said when the moment was right, “But I have a favor to ask you.”

“Only if you do something in return,” Kyoko said and it almost sounded playful. Sayaka found it a little childish. But she was willing to indulge so that Mami could speak to her supposed student.

“Anything within reason,” Sayaka said mildly. “I know that something about Mami’s home made you run off. And she wants to see you.”

Kyoko’s face went ashen. She recovered quickly and said, “I’ll hold you to that debt. Anything within reason.”

“I don’t mind,” Sayaka said, hoping to not scare her off.

Kyoko seemed to mull over the words and said, “I’ll meet her after we finish our new job.”

Sayaka was glad there was no fight. She already had her sword with her, and Kyoko showed that she had a bow and a quiver full of arrows.

Meeting the goddess of spring was much more pleasant affair than Sayaka’s first meeting with the goddess of death. The goddess of spring gave them the instruction to dispatch a centaur high in the mountains, defined by its otherworldly color and poisoned blood. It was a problem for those traveling in the mountains and those that resided there.

On the way Kyoko spoke animatedly about anything and everything, though there was now a newfound touch of reservation to her voice. Despite this Sayaka found herself in the ease of the conversations.

On their journey sometimes Kyoko would shiver for what seemed more than necessary for spring first emerging from winter and her hands would clutch at her head, but she never complained and so Sayaka didn’t say anything in turn.

They climbed up into the mountains, not far enough to find snow, and at the top of one of the smaller mountains was a putrid spring. The centaur was at the banks of the spring. Its monstrous teeth were flecked with dried blood and its blue skin was a target against the earthy tones of the mountains.

It roared, deafening, and the battle had begun. It began to charge and the both of them got out of the way. Kyoko let an arrow fly into its flank. The centaur was focused on Kyoko and began to charge to her, to knock her off the mountain.

Sayaka struck the centaur with her sword, and fell back as the centaur focused its attention on her. Its hooves scratched at the earth, and it was entirely too close for comfort.

Sayaka was wary of its charging, that internal warning being the only coherent thought in the haze of adrenaline. Even Kyoko’s persistent voice was muffled in her ears. Sayaka kept her distance as she struck the centaur with her sword.

But Sayaka swung too much at one point and it gave the centaur the advantage to strike her down. Sayaka was only saved because Kyoko lodged an arrow into its eye.

As it roared in pain Sayaka took the chance to drive her sword into the centaur’s chest. She hurried away before its corpse fell forward and could have pinned her down.

Sayaka saw that the centaur was truly dead and she fell onto her back, her chest heaving from the exertion. Her stars finally felt earned.

Kyoko stood over her and held out her hand. Sayaka gratefully took it, and went to pull her sword free from the centaur.

“A poisoned sword could be helpful,” Kyoko commented when Sayaka dislodged the sword.

“Not very helpful when I must clean it,” Sayaka said. She went to the bog-like spring and dipped her sword in the water until the poison was cleaned from the steel.

She noticed Kyoko shiver again.

“Are you all right?” Sayaka asked because at this point it was becoming worrisome.

“It’s the mountains,” Kyoko said unconvincingly. “I’ll feel fine when we’re gone from here.”

Sayaka decided to trust her. But when they left the mountain Kyoko took a few steps and then collapsed. Sayaka hurried to help her, and found that Kyoko was afflicted with a raging fever.


	4. And Feel I Belong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even now I still have hope.

Kyoko was aware that she was speaking but it seemed to not be of her own accord. They were words that languished and crawled out of her mouth, all the colors of the world melded together, and she was barely aware that Sayaka had found an inn for the two of them and was caring for her.

Kyoko called out for her mother, her voice raspy, the fever burning and festering in her lungs, the dawn and the night bleeding together into something incomprehensible. Her hands reached for her father through the haze.

Words were spoken to her but she could not comprehend them nor answer. Her mouth was constantly dry. When water was given to her in these times she thought she saw her sister’s face.

When the fever broke – when Kyoko could keep these sorts of things locked down again – she first saw a new expression on Sayaka’s face, something that was nearly rueful.

It was not pity. Kyoko had her fill of that enough to recognize it; it was an expression that she could not quite place.

“How are you feeling?”

“Well – we’ll say the debt is paid,” Kyoko said lightly.

There was that rueful expression again. Kyoko closed her fingers over her scar as if that would erase it from Sayaka’s memory.

“You miss your family,” Sayaka said.

“Sure – Homura didn’t just pull me out of the dirt, you know,” Kyoko deflected.

At that there was a small smile at Sayaka’s mouth and she didn’t say anything more. It did put some satisfaction in Kyoko to make Sayaka smile.

-

They were back on the road after Kyoko fully recovered. If there was anything resembling emotional vulnerability between Kyoko and Sayaka after Kyoko’s fever broke it had whittled down to basic common curtsey. It was not because of malice.

In truth, no matter the reason, it was rather awkward as they walked back to Mami’s house. Kyoko was beginning to regret the compromise. Perhaps it was because she was going to face Mami after all this time. Perhaps it was because she had no words.

She had to reconcile that it was everything that had happened and she tried to not show her apprehension on her face.

All too soon they were at Mami’s home. Sayaka opened the door. Kyoko felt like she was walking into a home that would make her heart burst.

She caught sight of Mami and the crestfallen look on her face. It sent an icy feeling into Kyoko’s heart. It was like Kyoko stepped out of the underworld.

A sardonic part of Kyoko said that this was true, multiple times in fact, but it did nothing to dissipate the tenseness of her shoulders.

Mami looked as if she would give anything to hug Kyoko but a wedge too deep had been driven between them.

Kyoko wanted to get to the heart of the manner and said, “Well, Sayaka managed to get me here.”

It was probably not the best thing to say because Mami’s eyes filled with tears. Her voice was still steady as she spoke.

“So she did. I-I have so many questions.”

For Kyoko’s temporary relief Sayaka realized it’d be a long talk and brought them to the sitting area.

But then that tense feeling filled Kyoko’s chest again and she didn’t want to look at Mami. She forced herself to not avert her gaze.

“What happened to you?” Mami asked. The tears had run down her face.

“Went to the underworld.” It was cagey.

“I knew about the storm and when you never came back I assumed – I looked for you, Kyoko,” Mami said, all that desperation bubbling up again and it made Kyoko’s heart wrench. “I was so _worried_ about you.”

“Why? Was it because I was the only one who would remember you after I was done with your training?”

It meant to hurt, a petty way for Kyoko to test the boundaries and if anger was the answer it would’ve been an excuse to have not seen Mami for so long. But Mami’s response was instantaneous.

“Of course not. You matter more than my notoriety.”

At that Kyoko felt something within herself crumble like ash. Like a dam bursting open she elaborated on what a deal with Homura meant. Mami seemingly guessed the context as to _why_ Kyoko went to the underworld and so did not say anything.

“I work as someone who delivers the funeral rites,” Kyoko said to finish her explanation. “It’s the easiest way to bring souls to the underworld. It was – part of why I didn’t come back.”

Mami looked contemplative at this explanation. Kyoko could see Sayaka look expectedly at the answer.

“It doesn’t matter to me,” Mami said. “After all, you are not causing their deaths. You are merely taking them to a place where they can rest.”

Sayaka had a look on her face like a revelation was burned into her mind.

All of the reasons for Kyoko to stay away were disintegrated. She had an idea that Mami missed her, a discomforting feeling like a thin cut on her fingertip, and now she was truly struck by how deep this melancholy had gripped her former teacher.

“I’m sorry,” Kyoko said, surprising herself with how small her voice sounded.

Mami shook her head. “I was always hoping you would come home.”

A question was on her face and Kyoko felt ready to answer.

“I didn’t come back because at first I was scared – Homura made me feel like the world was going to end – and then I felt like I missed the chance to go back. And after a while I was afraid to go back.”

“Why?”

“It would’ve meant that I could’ve come home anytime and that I had been stupid and stubborn to stay away. I’m sorry.”

“You’re not stupid.” Mami smiled fondly. “You’re here now and that’s what counts.”

It didn’t feel like the wedge between them disintegrated but rather that there was a chip in it that wasn’t there before.

“If you want to stay here you are welcome to,” Mami said. “Excuse me a moment.”

She went to go get something. Sayaka fidgeted.

“Thank you,” Kyoko said, “for making me come here.”

“Ah? Oh,” Sayaka said. “You’re welcome.”

She didn’t say anything more because Mami brought in a basketful of apples for them to share. It made Kyoko feel more at ease at living there again.

-

Life continued onward, as normally as it could. Kyoko went around the immediate area performing funeral rites whenever needed and would guide the soul to the underworld. When she had time she would help out Sayaka with her heroine work.

Kyoko knew her relationship with Mami. But overtime her relationship with Sayaka became muddled.

In the middle of spring it came to a head. Sayaka had come back from a city further away to help with an incubator problem, pests that attempted to steal droplets of blood from humans to drink, like a derivative of a life force.

When Sayaka was able to relax she and Kyoko played with the nearby village’s children, and regaled them with grand stories about the gods and goddesses and every human that was granted greatness by them, was caught up in their quarrels, incurred their wrath and everything in-between.

And when evening was upon them and the children went home they had time for themselves so they headed to a nearby, isolated garden to talk.

Kyoko had a feeling that Madoka had been there, at least recently, when they stepped under the arch for the garden. The camellias were at full bloom and looked exceptionally beautiful. Sayaka had plucked one and was holding the bloom as they walked.

“So she was bitten by a snake and it was too late for her,” Sayaka said. “And her husband went down into the underworld with his lyre?”

Kyoko nodded. “It happened a long time before we were born so I didn’t see it. I think even Homura wished he could’ve succeeded in bringing his wife back.”

Sayaka had suddenly stopped and fallen silent and Kyoko nudged her.

“What’s wrong?”

“I was thinking that – Mami was right. You’re not causing death, and not all the souls are brought to a place of torment,” Sayaka said. “And I’m sorry.”

Kyoko was not ready for this, especially since the apparent issue hadn’t bothered her in the slightest. It was the reason for her next words spilling out rapidly.

“Well, it happens. And if you knew Homura, well, sometimes she says really morbid things so anyone would be disturbed. For me it would be like if I worked at a winery and got used to the smell of wine – anyway! Don’t worry about it.”

“Then I won’t worry about it,” Sayaka said which was as good an answer as any to Kyoko’s rambling. “I was waiting to tell you that when I came home. And I really enjoyed today.”

Sayaka gave her the camellia and said, “Good night.”

She began to leave, stopped in her tracks and turned back. She pressed a kiss to Kyoko’s cheek; Sayaka left, unaware that she had made the muddled line perfectly clear.

Kyoko ruminated on the full implications of that peck on the cheek and the camellia in her hands before she finally got it; the flower fell to the ground.

“No, no, no, no,” she muttered, her hands in her hair. She paced and came to a conclusion when she spotted a stone pillar.

She walked to the pillar and head-butted it; all she got for that trouble was a deeply sore spot on her forehead.

“Is there a prize for rotten judgment?” Kyoko groaned.

“Yes, that’s bad,” a voice behind her said.

Kyoko jumped and fell back, hitting her head again. She mourned that this was her life now: an aching head and a heart full of _feelings_.

“I’m sorry, Kyoko,” said the voice and Kyoko finally recognized it as Madoka. Her hair was in a braid and there were tiny daises interwoven in her hair.

Madoka reached out her hand and Kyoko took it to stand up. She rubbed her forehead.

“What is it you are looking for?” Madoka asked.

Kyoko was not going to say anything but the smile on Madoka’s face betrayed that she knew exactly what Kyoko was looking for. Kyoko decided to just get it over with.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

Madoka nodded but her smile didn’t fade.

“Well – hypothetically, what do you think would happen with her?”

“What? Like I retire from everything and we get a cozy little house and have a cozy little life?”

Kyoko hoped her words had enough bitterness but seemed to forget why Homura referred to her wife as the benevolent sun of the underground.

“It sounds lovely,” Madoka said. “I could put in a kind word for your hypothetical retirement, you know.”

Kyoko’s scowl softened then. “No. It was a fair trade. And I could’ve gotten much worse than taking souls to their resting place.”

At that Madoka’s smile was melancholic. She followed Kyoko as they walked through the garden. Kyoko could feel Madoka’s gaze on her back.

“So, then, why can’t you let these feelings cultivate into something more?”

She could not say that she didn’t feel worthy, taking souls to their resting place while Sayaka saved them. She could not say that a heroine with her name written in the stars couldn’t fall in love with a woman that had death’s hand on her shoulder.

She could not say that these were ready-made excuses that covered up the true reason.

The scar on Kyoko’s hand ached. She could not say that its origin was a weight on her heart and that it didn’t feel like she could wish or want for more than her current life. Her family would never have that chance again and so she didn’t deserve it either.

“I just can’t.”

Madoka was silent for a moment.

“I give life,” she said, “And I still love Homura.”

She walked to Kyoko and pressed the camellia into her hands.

“I don’t know what the future holds for the both of you but I want you to be happy.”

Kyoko brushed a hand against her eyes. She took the time to compose herself and tried to speak but couldn’t get the words out.

“It’s your choice,” Madoka said. “Whatever you do I support you.”

Those words made Kyoko’s eyes watery again so she nodded and took Madoka’s words to heart.

-

It took until the blistering heat of summer rolled in for Kyoko to tell Sayaka the story that had been a weight on her heart. It was not an easy topic to segue into so Kyoko decided to just get it all over with.

She spoke of it on a day when they were eating lunch together and watching the clouds move languidly across the summer sky.

“Did I ever tell you the story of how I got this?” she asked, her left hand open and exposing her scar.

Sayaka shook her head, the mention of the topic making her shoulders stiff.

“It’s a long story,” Kyoko warned, but she knew it was for her own benefit to keep this story sealed up a little longer.

“I want to know,” Sayaka said.

Kyoko breathed in deeply and opened up her hands.

“Where do I start,” she muttered. It would have to start at the most painful part.

“Well – you probably noticed that I don’t talk about my family.”

“Once,” Sayaka said softly. “When you had that fever.”

“Right,” Kyoko said. “I loved them all but I was always closest to my dad. He was so proud that I wanted to help people. When I traveled across the sea to find someone to train me I met Mami. And my dad was so proud that I took the initiative to do it all on my own.”

Kyoko saw a smile on Sayaka’s face and felt a lurch in her stomach because she knew how this would all end. She continued talking.

“I kept in touch with my family. They would come and visit sometimes. My baby sister always loved to see me practice archery. My parents could talk to Mami for hours.”

She could feel a melancholic, nostalgic feeling pull at her heart and she smiled despite herself.

“And one day they had to go back home quickly because a storm was going to come rolling in. And a few hours later I felt like my heart dropped into my stomach and I _knew_.”

Kyoko felt Sayaka’s hand press against her back.

“The sea stole them and it wasn’t fair. It still isn’t. And I wasn’t going to have them wander in misery for a hundred years so I went down to the underworld to do something.”

“What did you do?”

“I blended in with the spirits. I tried to find my family, and I was so desperate to find them that I was going to summon the goddess of death to where I was. I had to get her attention somehow.”

Kyoko drew her thumb across the scar on her hand.

“So I cut open my hand and splashed blood on the ghosts around me. I found out that people who recently died begin to scream when they can speak again.”

“Homura is just as terrifying back then as she is now when she’s furious,” Kyoko said. She tried to laugh but it was mirthless.

It was like the stars above had been blotted out, the ground beneath her shook uncontrollably, an angry and cold darkness enveloped her and Kyoko could hear the screams of the damned in Tartarus, and she believed that that place would be her fate.

“Madoka softened up her pragmatic heart,” Kyoko said. “Homura let me speak to her when I could actually get my voice. And it turned out my family had coins in their pockets when they died, so they were decided and I couldn’t barter for their lives.”

Even though Kyoko knew it wasn’t possible to reunite their souls with their bodies it hurt now just as much as it did then that she failed to save them.

“I wanted them to have the best of the best. So I let my soul be in servitude to Homura and I would bring souls down for their eternal rest until I died. In exchange Homura let my family rest in the Elysium Fields instead of the Asphodel Meadows.”

The next words came out softly. “I haven’t seen them since.”

“Why?” Sayaka asked, and her voice wobbled.

“I got to live. I got to live and they didn’t.”

“But you traveled to the underworld for them, you put yourself in servitude to the goddess of death – if you gave up that much for them you must’ve loved them so much. Didn’t they feel the same?”

Kyoko did not speak then. Her eyes burned. Her voice came out hoarse.

“Yeah. They did.”

“So they must miss you. You should go see them.”

If it was anyone else they would’ve taken offense. But Kyoko had death’s hand on her shoulder and knew Sayaka was right.

And a few days later she asked Homura for permission to see her family.

Kyoko found that her tears were seemingly unending when she saw her family in their final resting place and when they surrounded her to hug her. She had forgotten what that felt like.

“I’m sorry,” Kyoko said, muffled, and for what exactly she did not know.

“We love you,” her father reassured.

“Live your life and be happy,” her mother said warmly.

Her sister did not say anything but was content to cling to Kyoko and all of it was enough.

-

Time continued on as it was expected to do, and the heavy summer was barely turning to the chill of autumn when a tumultuous change in everyday life occurred.

It was a standard fight against bandits on the outskirts of the village. All but one had been driven off and Kyoko defended Sayaka against a sword’s strike with her shield. But a viper lurked in the tall stalks of grass, and in a crucial moment set its teeth upon Kyoko’s heel.

She fell to the ground and she could not scream. She could hear Sayaka scream her name through the haze and in the flickering in and out of her consciousness Kyoko knew that the last remaining bandit had been driven off, that she was being carried to rest against a tree and Mami was trying to tend to her with the medicine that was on hand. The heat of the fever from the poisonous bite made her writhe.

Kyoko tried to resist the pull, of the deep depths of cold that surrounded the underworld and was beginning to rest in her down to her bones, desperate for the air that surrounded her but there was not nearly enough of it in her lungs.

“I don’t want to die,” she said, not knowing if her words could be heard, she knew death for so long and it was coming for her now but she was _afraid_.

Kyoko clung to the living world. She could never make up for lost time with Mami. She could see Sayaka’s grieving, worried face and lamented that she would never see that face light up with a smile again.

The pull was too much.


	5. Now You Know Me and I'm Not Afraid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm right here, I'm right here.

Sayaka saw Kyoko go limp, her breathing cease, and Sayaka stepped back, her breath fast and frantic.

“No, no,” she gasped. “I can still save her. I have to find the underworld.”

“Go on,” Mami said, though her own voice was panicked, but it was also tainted with denial. “I’ll take care of her, hurry!”

Sayaka did not need a second prompting and she quickly ran, desperate to find any entrance to the underworld.

It seemed that in her great want to find the underworld her body and soul were greatly detached as she ran, to the bounds of the ocean or the ends of the Earth, not knowing if either held the door to the underworld.

She found a field, and stone steps covered with moss descending into the Earth. Her temporary relief was like a stab to the heart, and she would take this fleeting chance. She began her descent.

She did not delude herself into thinking the road ahead would be safe. The smell of death and sulfur was all around her.

Sayaka found the road that the spirits traveled on, and she passed through the gates that were guarded by beasts that would never taste the steel of her sword. Sayaka stayed quiet, her breath held in her lungs, and could only hope that her warm, living blood would not give her away.

She imagined Kyoko taking this same route to save her family, pushing past the spirits that would receive their judgment, and could only hope that this time it would be different.

Her tight throat loosened and she could breathe easily when she saw the ferryman. This was the only moment that she walked quickly, slipping through the spirits and held out the price of passage to him. He accepted her coin and did not regard her with surprise.

Sayaka boarded the boat and could see skeletal hands litter the bottom of the river. They reached out, upwards, fruitlessly.

She could see the judgment across the river. She very nearly jumped out of the boat to swim there but kept herself under control. Her hands shook violently.

The boat came to a rest at the other end of the river and Sayaka stepped off as patiently as she could. She could see the shade of Kyoko there, Homura standing imposing and yet her eyes looked rueful.

“I see that you have come to challenge me in my realm at last,” Homura said and there was a dollop of sorrow to her voice.

“I don’t want to fight. I want her soul back.”

“Everything is a fight with me.”

Homura stepped around Sayaka, the cloth of her cloak as dark as the night sky.

“You know what she did to find herself under my employment?”

It sounded like a statement rather than a question and Sayaka nodded. Her hands were tightly clasped together.

“I don’t want you to take her job.”

Sayaka didn’t suspect any compassion in the statement. She didn’t question what Homura would want in turn for Kyoko’s soul, if it meant the chance would slip through her fingers.

“She hasn’t been decided,” Homura said. “And if you accept the trade she will follow you and be completely healthy if you succeed.”

Homura stood in front of Sayaka again, her face contemplative.

“You soul will not be in service to me. But there still must be a balance for this trade.”

Homura walked to Kyoko, and placed a hand on her shoulder as she spoke.

“Your place in the stars in exchange for her soul.”

“Yes,” Sayaka said. Immediately she felt as though something bright and certain left her, an anchor that had been there for as long as she could remember and it was now disintegrated. But Kyoko’s hands were in hers and it more than made up for what she gave in exchange.

“Go on, now, quickly,” Homura said, in an attempt to sound detached. “Whether you succeed or fail I will be by her side soon.”

Stairs appeared in front of Sayaka and without question she led the way for Kyoko’s spirit to follow her. The world turned to light and life and Sayaka’s hands trembled as she guided Kyoko’s spirit. She didn’t dare look behind herself.

She found the way back, and could feel the ache in Kyoko’s spirit to be brought back to herself. Sayaka led her there, and could see the relief in Mami’s eyes when she caught sight of the two of them.

Sayaka let the spirit go and rest in her rightful place, and Kyoko’s eyes opened and she _breathed_ and Sayaka could feel the warmth return to her hands.

Sayaka’s tears were silent and she kissed Kyoko so quick their noses bumped against each other. They got it right after a second, and drew away.

In a rare gesture Kyoko held Sayaka’s tearful face and smiled genuinely.

“Haven’t gotten sick of me yet?”

“Never.”

Sayaka fell forward to embrace her. For any sardonic comment that Kyoko would’ve made of her own death she gripped the fabric of Sayaka’s clothing like it was the only tether to the Earth.

They drew away and Sayaka’s gaze went to Mami, who now looked like she thought she was rather out of place.

Kyoko looked at her too, her tense body relaxing as she opened her arms. Mami fell to her knees and accepted the hug. Sayaka looked on and smiled.

She felt a hand brush her shoulder and turned to see Madoka standing there. Homura was by Madoka’s side, trying to look as if the evident relief on her face was not there.

“Good work,” Madoka said warmly. And then, “Don’t you think she should have her name written in the stars, my love?”

“Well. This would be the work of a heroine, so yes.” Homura hummed, a smidge of annoyance that whatever plan she had with those stars would be given up.

Sayaka could feel the certainty of it all flood her soul. A name would forever be written in the stars.

“Give it to Mami, instead,” Sayaka said. “So that she will always be remembered.”

She heard Mami gasp. Kyoko squeezed her hand.

“I know you’ll do great work with it,” Madoka said to Homura.

“I make it however I wish for it to look,” Homura said.

-

Those stars were the brightest in the night sky, a cluster that acted as a blessing to travelers. No matter where they were in the world they could look upon the stars and be guided to wherever they needed to go. The cluster of stars named Mami was spoken with reverence.

Mami opened her home to students again, and she always had time for Sayaka and Kyoko.

Sayaka no longer had her place in the stars but she could begin to make a happy life with Kyoko. In the end they found a place to call home and it was worth more than any journey interwoven with destiny.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this. There are a lot of references for this so feel free to skip if you are not interested.
> 
> In Disney's Hercules Hades is a sleazy car sales man type and it's hilarious. I decided to use that work characterization for Homura constantly having to be at work and not liking interruptions that go against the flow of the process, slightly barring those that actually have the guts to challenge her on death.
> 
> Nagisa is a small cameo in the form of the fates. She's the only character that can be seen as three - her witch form, what the fans thought she was as a human, and how she actually is as a human.
> 
> In ancient Greece funeral rites were mostly performed by women, which tied in nicely to Kyoko's role in the story.
> 
> The king Kyoko mentions is Tantalus, who murdered and served his son as a meal to the gods to test their omniscient abilities.
> 
> The cenutaur is a reference specifically to the character design in the Disney's Hercules, Nessus. Interestingly, in the original Greek mythology he was killed by Hercules with an arrow poisoned by Hydra blood and his poisoned blood actually killed Hercules when his wife poured it on Hercules' shirt. She was tricked by Nessus into believing that Hercules wouldn't go after other women if he got the blood on him. Well, actually, there probably is a layer of truth to it since he ended up dying; he can't really go around having affairs if he's dead...
> 
> "Beautiful lyre music" refers to the myth of Orpheus, probably one of the most well known Greek mythology stories. He travels down to the underworld to get back his dead wife, Euridyce but unfortunately fails to bring her back. In addition, Kyoko dying via viper bite is a reference to Euridyce's own death.
> 
> In Homer's "Odyssey" Odysseus has to give blood for souls to interact with him. Dead people that did not have the coin for Charon's fee would have to wander the banks of Acheron, a river of woe, for a hundred years.
> 
> The Asphodel Meadows were for spirits that were not evil but didn't really do anything of great note. The Elysium Fields were for demigods and heroes and, by the time of the Greek poet Hesiod, those who lived a good and pious life. For the sake of the story I went with the earlier interpretation.
> 
> "Is there a prize for rotten judgement?" is a very slightly modified reference to Disney's Hercules' song "I Won't Say I'm in Love," aka one of the best songs to sing at karaoke with your friends.
> 
> Camellias generally mean love, affection and admiration.  
> Marigolds are associated with the sun and one of their meanings is unchanging love.  
> Daisies can mean new beginnings and transformation.
> 
> The title is from Sleeping at Last's "Accidental Light."  
> In addition, the chapter names are reference to Disney's Treasure Planet's "I'm Still Here." And the chapter summaries to Kyoko and Sayaka's song, "And I'm Home."


End file.
